so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
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