he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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