the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Randomize
