They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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