I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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