so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
he shaved USA in his pubs
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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