even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
