I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
