i don't like sucking hair
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Randomize