Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Randomize
