Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
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