hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
