they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize