The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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