who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
It all started with a game of naked twister.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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