Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
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