My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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