Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
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