I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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