There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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