i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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