Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
