I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize