Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
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