you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Randomize
