i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
