If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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