apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
