just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
