i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
