i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
