I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
It was confusing and full of hummus
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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