it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
