I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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