I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
