This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
