Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
