ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
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