Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
