his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
