I puked a lego.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
