the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
