Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize