And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Vodka?
Forever.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Please don't give away my fajitas
Randomize
