It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
