I could have mohawked her pubes.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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