my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
