Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
