the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
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