Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
