no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Randomize
