Yo dont text me then not text me
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
