youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
