It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
