He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Randomize
