I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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