i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize