The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
