I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
