Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
I smell like Dick and happiness
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