It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Randomize
