Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Randomize
