if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
