some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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