The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
