Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
