Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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