there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
