Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
North Korea, Best Korea!
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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