u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
