Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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