I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
how does that bad decision feel?
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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