My brain says no but my pants say off.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
