There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Randomize
