also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize