should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
